Stephen Colbert: Politicos & Paranoid Fantasies

December 7, 2012 · by · in Politics

Stephen Colbert on Rick Santorum’s conspiracy theories and the Senate rejecting the UN Convention on Rights of Persons with Disabilities. (From the December 5, 2012 episode of The Colbert Report.)

Partial transcript:

And folks

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, they are not the only politicos out there making things up. So was Congress, where paranoid fantasy has long been a weapon in fighting the specter of accomplishment. And there was another victory yesterday.

[MSNBC clip about Senate rejecting UN Convention on Rights of Persons with Disabilities]

It’s a Christmas miracle! No rights for disabled foreigners. Suck on that figgy pudding, Tiny Tim! You and the rest of the Great Britain’s crutch crowd can eat your goose on the stairs.

But how do you defeat something with such broad, bipartisan support? John McCain was for it. George H. W. Bush was for it. Even former Republican Presidential nominee and disabled World War II veteran Bob Dole left his deathbed in a wheelchair to show his support. And remember, “Congress” is technically a downgrade from “deathbed”.

For a minute, it looked like both sides might come together to affirm a universally shared value. But coming to the rescue once again, Doctor Rick Santorum’s Imaginarium.

[Clip of Santorum speaking]

That’s right. Reaffirming protections to the disabled equals the UN coming between you and your child. And it’s hard enough for parents to get the kids to listen now – just wait until everything you say has to go through those translator headsets.

Now, sure, the idea that an international treaty for the disabled would give the UN rights to take your kid away sounds far-fetched, but you know what else sounds far-fetched? Anyone listening to Rick Santorum.

And yet, here we are.

Besides, I believe America has already proven its commitment to accessibility for the disabled. Because without the Americans with Disabilities Act, Bob Dole would never have been able to park close to the Capitol, ride up in an elevator, and roll down a ramp to see his dying wish crushed in person.

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